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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?